


What if?

by ionia



Category: DCU
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-05-17
Packaged: 2018-01-25 10:56:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1646135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ionia/pseuds/ionia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if you hurt him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	What if?

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this on my [tumblr](http://batmans-utilitybelt.tumblr.com/post/86008479428/my-mind-went-to-some-very-dark-places-major) before.
> 
> This is pretty dark, so read at your own risk. 
> 
> I'm trying a different writing style. Hope it works.
> 
> I suck at summaries.

What if you had a dream, a nightmare? In the dream, he’s slipping away from you (or is he purposely walking away?). He wakes up to you thrashing the mattress and calling his name. He tries to sooth you; usually it’s the other way around. As you subconsciously hear his voice, you lunge for him, and make sure he can’t slip away again. What if you hold him too tight? And you snap one of his ribs?

What if you can’t wake up? When you do open your eyes, his side of the bed is empty. But there’s light coming from the bathroom, and the drugs cabinet is open. He isn’t there.

You find him downstairs just as he opens the vault.

You ask him to close it again so you can go near him. He doesn’t and you go anyway. Somewhere in the back of your mind you realize he got the K to weaken you, so he could wake you up. As you start to apologize and explain, he walks away. Your vision is getting blurry and you don’t know whether it’s from the kryptonite or the tears.

The next moment you’re holding his shoulders, pushing him into the wall with your hands and your hips and your face and you know it’s too much but you can’t help it. You’re afraid he’ll walk away again.

He’s on the other side of the cave long before you realize it. There’s gravel in your hands.

~~~~

You spend some time on an asteroid. None of the Green Lanterns pass by.

It’s quiet in space, and you can’t hear the people of earth. You go back eventually because you miss them.

League meetings are reserved now; Superman and Batman aren’t bickering. That doesn’t mean it’s better.

Diana gets it. She tries to talk to you, you end up sparring. It helps a little; you have a few laughs and almost forget what he smells like.

You try not to think about him, the first few months. It’s hard, he’s everywhere. But then again, so are you. Your names are in the paper, sometimes on the same page as his.

You wonder, does he try not to think about you?

What if you never dare to stand close to him again? At League business, you always make sure there’s someone in between the two of you. Usually it’s Diana. It makes sense; you’re the Trinity. The fact that two-thirds of that trinity doesn’t talk to each other doesn’t seem to matter.

You save a kitten from a tree. As you give it back to the little girl standing on the sidewalk, there’s only half a smile.

You do your job, chat with people at the  _Planet_ , and visit your parents. You live your life without him. After a while, it’s almost easy.

Until one day, you and he end up in the elevator of the Daily Planet together. Alone. When you mutter an insecure “Bruce…,” he gets out at the next floor.

Why was he there?

It’s weeks before you talk to him again. On a mission. No more than six words are exchanged.

He doesn't need you to catch him out of mid-air anymore. It makes you wonder if he did it on purpose, before. You allow yourself to smile at the memories.

One day – you don’t know who started it – there’s a joke. Your sense of humor is compatible and you fall into an old, familiar pattern. You are laughing, and one corner of his mouth curls up. It doesn’t last long enough.

It’s months before you have one of your lunches together again at that cheap diner. Dick’s there too, to make clear this is absolutely not a date.

The third time, you’re alone with him. It’s quieter without Dick, but some words are uttered (“Are you seeing anyone?” “You know I could never replace you.”). When you leave, you each go your own way.

Three months later, his head fits in the crook of your neck. Yours fits in his. You are both fully clothed, but it’s lasts longer than a friendly embrace.

He holds you tighter than you hold him.

You’re on a mission with him. It’s just the two of you. The comm. link stays quiet the whole time, but it’s okay. You’re in sync.

It’s a year before you kiss again. There’s no tongue.

Is this the right thing to do?

A year and a half after the incident, you’re in his bed again. Clark holds Bruce, Bruce holds Clark. You sleep. There are no dreams.

~~~~

You lie awake, thinking about all this as you watch him sleep next to you. You see the way the blue moonlight plays on his naked back.

But you also see the bruises, the cuts, the scars, the fresh and old bandages, the internal injuries. Most of them are from his night job.

Some of them are from you.

You get up, get dressed, and leave quietly through the open window.


End file.
